When I started writing this blog three months ago, who would have thought that today I would be.............................

.............. HAPPY!............and actually I have been for a while. I've found somewhere new to live and a peacefulness and contentment has crept over me without really being aware it was happening.

I was walking the dogs this this morning and even though it was raining, I gave a silent thanks to the universe for bringing me such a beautiful morning. I'm healthy, mostly solvent and I have my chickens and Ruby back with me :O) Life rarely gets better than this.

 'Dogs?', I hear you say, confused. Yes, dogs! The owner of the lovely house I'm now living in has a beautiful, sweet natured lab called Zorro and it's my privilege to walk him with Ruby, every day. They have both played a part in my recovery and my positive state of mind.

Happiness, of course, is just a state of mind. I've always been a great believer that we chose how we feel; situations happen, good or bad and our response to them is a choice. Over simplification? Possibly.

Actually, looking back I wasn't unhappy when the breakup occurred. I was steaming mad that TT had left me with HIS debts and homeless to boot. And I was as scared as I have ever been, having never experience anything like it before.  It took me many weeks to feel safe again and that was largely down to the creditors agreeing not to lynch me and having a few pennies in my pocket.

As the weeks passed, I found myself actually enjoying my situation. I was FREE! Free from the tyranny of a nasty individual who had tried to control every aspect of my life. Free to make my own decisions and to steer my own destiny. Free from 7 years of fear: he had taken everything I had, every penny I had worked hard for and I was terrified about that; terrified of being left with nothing.

Of course, that is was actually happened, but the fear of it was far worse than the realty. I should have walked out years ago. I should have packed up and left, the minute I discovered he wasn't the man he had pretended to be. I had been bowled over by his charm and wit and intelligence. He was wonderful and he was in love with me! Except that he wasn't. He is incapable of love. His sole aim is always manipulation. You have something he wants - money, shelter, sex and he will tell you whatever you need to hear, in order to get it. By the time I had realised what was happening, I was so in debt I couldn't leave.

A word of advice to anyone who who meets a charmer; a man who seems almost too good to be true. The man who turns up just when you need him and sweeps you of your feet - you may have been alone for a while and looking for a new start, you may be miserable after the breakdown of a relationship.  Whatever the circumstances - BE WARY! The sociopath will seek you out. You are just what he is looking for. He knows exactly how to make you feel good BUT, your instinct will be trying to tell you something. Mine was. In fact, I can now admit to myself, it was screaming.....I had doubts about him from the very start but chose to ignore them because I wanted to trust him so badly. I wanted to believe that he was my soul mate. After all, hadn't he written to me and told me so?

We did share an amazing number of interests. In fact it was astonishing how similar we were in every way...............except we didn't and we weren't. It was all just a ploy. The sociopath seems so interested, if not fascinated by you. He wants to know every detail; all your hopes and fears and dreams. Then he uses that information to get exactly what he wants. He has no feelings, is incapable of love, pity, guilt or empathy and he doesn't care one jot about anyone other than himself.

I would say though, and this might sound absolutely crazy, but serves to show how completely brainwashed I was. The years he spent bleeding me dry and robbing me of my existence were probably some of the happiest of my life. How sad is that? I was so completely taken in by him, that while he, systematically stripped me of me assets and ran my credit cards to max, I smiled sweetly and told him how much I loved him.

There, had, of course been clues along the way; instances when I suspected he was lying or glimpses of the monster beneath the thin veneer and times when my trust of him was questioned. But I always made some kind of excuse for him and willed myself to trust him further.....I have learned a very hard lesson.....

Your trust is your most precious possession. Be careful who you give it to.